It's no secret that I've been working some insane hours recently and it's left me winded and stressed out. I haven't been to a bar in a while, I haven't chilled back with some beer, and I'm here holidays eating shitty food and complaining about how much I hate the stache. So last night I get home from working another 14 hour day at about 10 pm (yes on a holiday weekend saturday). There's absolutely nothing to drink in my apartment except for a bottle of Yellow Tail.
I'm tired, the Indians aren't answering their phones so there's no one to hang out with, so damnit I want a glass of wine. So I'm opening up the bottle when the corkscrew snaps and is stuck in the cork.
Damnit.
Well, fuck, I really want a glass of wine and there's nothing else to drink and I'm about to spend 3 hours playing Wii with the stache, I need this. So I jab a BBQ fork into the bottle. Eventually, after some work, THAT broke. OK NOW I was starting to get pissed off. I was swearing at the bottle and swearing at the fork and yelling things like, "Jesus tap-dancing Christ I fucking just want a glass of wine." Then I started stabbing the cork with a pair of scissors to no avail. Finally, I just used the scissors to push down the cork into the wine, displacing some of the wine and spraying it everywhere in our kitchen. This of course made me giggle like a kid in a candy store.
At this point, Stache comes over and says, "Ken I think you have a problem. You really should go to some AA meetings. These are the signs of an alcoholic."
Um...excuse me? Trying to open a fucking bottle of wine is the sign of an alcoholic? What? I JUST WANTED A DAMN GLASS OF WINE!
I thought about what he said for a second and I burst out laughing and drank the entire bottle.
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