Havok at the Oscars

The Oscars are this sunday and I'm sure everyone is wondering what's going to win this year. Luckily, Havok is here to tell you who is going to get the Golden Eunuchs this year.

Writing (Original Screenplay)
Winner: Superbad

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
Winner: Shit, I don't know the difference between these two so I'm gonna say Superbad again

Visual Effects
Winner: Night of the Lepus
Cloverfield-- take a hint, THIS is how you make a MONSTER!


look how real this is

Sound Mixing
Winner: Paul's Boutique by the Beastie Boys. They used 105 samples in this album and are still getting sued for it to this day, how can this not win?

Sound Editing
Winner: Shoot 'Em Up (whenever I can't think of anything I'll probably just put this movie)

Short Film (Live Action)
Winner: I have no idea what this means either so I'm gonna pick the November Rain video by Guns n Roses

Short Film (Animated)
Winner: That Scooby Doo Episode where the Scottish guy uses bagpipes to control a submarine remotely so it can bring stolen watches across a lake which is obviously a more profitable venture than just going into times square and selling it.

Makeup
Winner: Rambo- how they made him look so old after the last movies is amazing


Couldn't find a picture of Rambo so I just put this self-portrait in

Foreign Language Film
Winner: Superbad. They probably released it in another country.

Music (Score)
Winner: There Will Be Blood. In a serious note, this got screwed over.

Music (Song)
Winner: Ace of Spades by Motorhead- from the movie Shoot 'Em Up

Film Editing
Winner: I honestly have no idea how you even judge this. Does this mean whoever had a crapload of stuff and edited it down to the necessary stuff? Because then it's Rambo again for editing out half the dialogue to have more silence and killing. THAT'S editing.

Costume Design
Winner: I was gonna say Spiderman because of the Green Goblin costume but it turns out that was just a Kirsten Dunst mask so I'll go with um Knocked Up or something.



Cinematography
Winner: There Will Be Blood

Art Direction
Winner: Shoot 'Em Up

Supporting Actress
Winner: Grace Jones in Conan the Destroyer. Such class in her career defining role.

Supporting Actor
Winner: Christopher McDonald as Mr. Stifler in American Pie: The Naked Mile. Yet another award for the Havok Hall of Fame inductee.

Lead Actress
Winner: Natalie Portman. Was she even in anything this year? Who cares, this is my list.

Lead Actor
Winner: Christopher Mintz-Plasse as McLovin in Superbad. To me this role was like combining Al Pacino in Godfather II with Orson Welles in Citizen Kane with Sylvester Stallone in First Blood with every Samuel L. Jackson role ever. Complete bad ass.

Best Picture
Winner: Happy Gilmore

SURPRISE WIN CAN YOU BELIEVE IT THIS IS THE YEAR OF UPSETS!!!!!!!!

Terrible Ideas for Rock Band and Guitar Hero

Guitar Hero has become an absolute phenomenon. Everyone has played it, everyone loves it, it's great for parties, and it's fun to watch. It may be running out of ideas and just chugging out songs with no new game play options, but who cares, it's a blast when you're drunk and Rock Band is even better (assuming you have friends). Last week they revealed that Guitar Hero: Aerosmith would be released in June. It's going to have 30 Aerosmith songs. While this will be awesome just to get Sweet Emotion, Back in the Saddle, and Dream On, I really can't think of more than 15 songs that would need to be on this. So while Led Zeppelin and AC/DC continue to be douchenozzles about releasing their songs so we can't get a totally kick ass version like 100 song Zep Guitar Hero, here's a list of Guitar Hero versions that did not get approved:

1. Guitar Hero: Limp Bizkit

This was considered in the brainstorming sessions for a few reasons. First of all, Limp Bizkit actually has sold more than 16 million albums in America. Yes, the time after grunge died has some really really embarrassing parts. Second, the FDFC considered putting it out because they could track who bought it and red flag them. The FDC being the Federal Douche Finding Committee. Hey Fred! Who's a douche?



2. Guitar Hero: Paul Oakenfold

Originally considered as a cross-over for the Dance Dance Revolution kids, it turns out there's no guitar part.

3. Guitar Hero: Peter, Paul, and Mary

Cripes, they just market everything to kids these days. This was considered to get the coveted kids market, because what kid doesn't love Puff the Magic Dragon and This Land is Your Land? Then Disney declared their monopoly on children's dreams and donkey punched Mary. The deal was called off.



4. Guitar Hero: Hannah Montana

After the Peter, Paul, and Mary debachle, the execs said, well what about the pre-teen market? So they set up a deal with Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana. However, two roadblocks came about when Billy Ray Cyrus demanded that Achey Breaky Heart be added to Guitar Hero 4 and there were 572 reported cases of parental suicides after the idea was released to the public.


Hot? Um...no comment.

5. Guitar Hero: Dragonforce

Through the Fire and the Flames by Dragonforce is the end song that you are given if you beat Guitar Hero III. This song is completely righteous and totally bad ass and blatantly impossible.



Only the most insane and dedicated people can get this song and it's a widely talked and discussed song amongst players so why not make a version with every Dragonforce song right? Plus, every single Dragonforce song is equally as bad ass and insanely jawdroppingly fast as this song. Well they made this version. It actually got made. They then started testing it with people that love guitar speed prog, dungeons and dragons, and like to pretend they are zelda and this happened:


Dragonforce is a combination of nerdy and bad ass that I can't seem to wrap my mind around...

6. Guitar Hero: Andy Dick Version



Guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh