Terrible Ideas for Rock Band and Guitar Hero

Guitar Hero has become an absolute phenomenon. Everyone has played it, everyone loves it, it's great for parties, and it's fun to watch. It may be running out of ideas and just chugging out songs with no new game play options, but who cares, it's a blast when you're drunk and Rock Band is even better (assuming you have friends). Last week they revealed that Guitar Hero: Aerosmith would be released in June. It's going to have 30 Aerosmith songs. While this will be awesome just to get Sweet Emotion, Back in the Saddle, and Dream On, I really can't think of more than 15 songs that would need to be on this. So while Led Zeppelin and AC/DC continue to be douchenozzles about releasing their songs so we can't get a totally kick ass version like 100 song Zep Guitar Hero, here's a list of Guitar Hero versions that did not get approved:

1. Guitar Hero: Limp Bizkit

This was considered in the brainstorming sessions for a few reasons. First of all, Limp Bizkit actually has sold more than 16 million albums in America. Yes, the time after grunge died has some really really embarrassing parts. Second, the FDFC considered putting it out because they could track who bought it and red flag them. The FDC being the Federal Douche Finding Committee. Hey Fred! Who's a douche?



2. Guitar Hero: Paul Oakenfold

Originally considered as a cross-over for the Dance Dance Revolution kids, it turns out there's no guitar part.

3. Guitar Hero: Peter, Paul, and Mary

Cripes, they just market everything to kids these days. This was considered to get the coveted kids market, because what kid doesn't love Puff the Magic Dragon and This Land is Your Land? Then Disney declared their monopoly on children's dreams and donkey punched Mary. The deal was called off.



4. Guitar Hero: Hannah Montana

After the Peter, Paul, and Mary debachle, the execs said, well what about the pre-teen market? So they set up a deal with Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana. However, two roadblocks came about when Billy Ray Cyrus demanded that Achey Breaky Heart be added to Guitar Hero 4 and there were 572 reported cases of parental suicides after the idea was released to the public.


Hot? Um...no comment.

5. Guitar Hero: Dragonforce

Through the Fire and the Flames by Dragonforce is the end song that you are given if you beat Guitar Hero III. This song is completely righteous and totally bad ass and blatantly impossible.



Only the most insane and dedicated people can get this song and it's a widely talked and discussed song amongst players so why not make a version with every Dragonforce song right? Plus, every single Dragonforce song is equally as bad ass and insanely jawdroppingly fast as this song. Well they made this version. It actually got made. They then started testing it with people that love guitar speed prog, dungeons and dragons, and like to pretend they are zelda and this happened:


Dragonforce is a combination of nerdy and bad ass that I can't seem to wrap my mind around...

6. Guitar Hero: Andy Dick Version



Guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Cock Rock: Extreme

I am totally excited for the new guitar hero coming out next month. Ridiculously excited. As in I need "More than words to show how I feel" about it. At first I was gonna write a post about what songs should be included in this most righteous of guitar heros, but then because of this whole free taco day on tuesday June 5, I've been working 15 hr days with no time to blog. As a result they already released over half the songs. But here's the thing, a bunch of my choices were included, even some of the ones I never thought would happen. That's what brings me to Extreme. Extreme was a total Van Halen rip off that really only had 1 CD's worth of good songs, (which I own of course), but man Nuno Bettancourt can SHRED THE AXE. The best Extreme song of all time is also one of the best songs of all time. No it's not the ballad "More Than Words" (awesome wedding song compromise if your wife doesn't want to dance to "I Want Action" by Poison). I'm speaking of course about "Play With Me" a song that everyone knows.

Some of you are probably thinking, "But Havok, I don't know that song at all, what are you talking about? Did Dave cover it or something? Does it have a catchy beat or something?"

False. My pledge son, Dave has not covered it and I don't think you can encompass all music written in 4/4 time as catchy, but you DO know this song. How?



That's right, it's the most excellent and triumphant song in the background of the mall scene in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. If you haven't seen Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure I'm honestly not sure why you read this blog. This automatically qualifies it as on of the most righteous riffs of all time. And that solo, man that solo is awesome. Holy triumphant rock and roll that solo is awesome.

I can't WAIT to play that solo in guitar hero. Excellent! neenernerneenernerneeeeee!

The solo one more time:



Update: Holy shit! Look at this! AHHHHHHHHHHH! They have a demo of someone playing this song! AHHHHHHHH!