As if!

Guys are pretty sketchy by nature. I frequently get stories from my friends that are ladies about just random creepy things that guys say to them. Now I may be abnormal and insane but I think I have a general awareness of sketchiness. Which leads me to one of the topics that is a fountain of male sketchiness: Jail Bait

Guys always wonder what age a girl has to be in order to date her. Well thanks to extensive research (aka 1 source), I have discovered the answer to this question. Now, I am not a pervert, I have no desire to date young girls, I happen to like girls my age as noted in an earlier post, I just happened to stumble on the answer to this question, and feel as if I should share with my male readers.

Now another thing is, I don't need any approval from any of my female readers because there is 100% approval of the source, which is of course:


The movie Clueless.

Yes, I was watching the movie Clueless the other day, whatever, it's a great document of mid 90's culture. I will say that absolutely every female on all of planet earth likes this movie. Therefore, I'd say it's a great source for dating rules. Girls are always saying I can learn from "Sex and the City" starring that chick with the face that looks like a foot, so why not Clueless?


Sarah Jessica Parker image on file with IMDB.com

Yeah so I'm watching the movie, and the following line pops out at me via Cher, played by Alicia Silverstone: "You turn 16 in May? Well I do in April so as your elder let me give you some advice..."

OK so she's 15 years old in the movie, nothing wrong with that. But here's the thing, in the movie she falls for her step brother, Josh, played by Paul Rudd, and they of course get together by the end of the movie. However, Josh is working for his step father, as a young lawyer in training. Now here's where it gets fishy, Josh is in college. It's hard to tell what year though. If I interpret it correctly, he's in law school and therefore either 22, 23 or 24 years old. He has to be 20 at the youngest. Regardless, by the end of the movie, he is dating a 15 year old.

So there you have it gentlemen. According to a female approved source, the youngest girl you are allowed to date is a 15 year old.

Hey, consider yourselves lucky, for a 22, 23 or 24 year old, I would have said anything younger than 19 is creepy, but I have been outruled by the female population.

The Douchebag Girlfriend/Boyfriend Theory

The Ultimate Douchebag: John Mayer

80% of my audience (4 out of 5 people) have heard this theory before, but it bears repeating and needs to be published. This will be the first theory I write on this blog of many to come. Most of the theories have been scientifically proven true, but some are still open for debate. This one falls into the former category; it is absolutely 100% megasuperawesome true and is nearly impossible to prove false.*

The theory: By the time they reach age 24, every person has dated, at some point, a male or a female with a douchebag name. You must have dated at least 2 people to rule out nerds that have never dated, the psychos that married the first person they ever dated, and Michael Jackson.

Examples of Male Douchebag names include, but are definitely not limited to: Tanner, Brody, Conner, Cody, Toby, Ethan, Tristan, Jackson, Gavin, John Mayer, Brayden, Carter, Dane Cook, Blake, the name of anyone in Cirque du Soleil, etc.

Examples of Female Douchebag names include, but are definitely not limited to: Madison, Addison, Bertha, Diamond, Heaven, Misty, Jasmine, Joey, Apple, Madonna, Olivia, Destiny, Trinity, Jennifer Lopez, Mackenzie, Faith, etc.

Note that just because this might be your name, it doesn't necessarily make you a douchebag, it just means you have a douchebag name (John Mayer, Dane Cook, Madonna, Jennifer Lopez excepted).

Seriously, ask anyone who they've dated, everyone's got a douchebag name in their past. They might deny it, but then you just remind them about Todd and BOOM it's done.

*Theory may not actually be true about every guy dating a girl with a douchebag name due to lack of research, but I'm pretty sure it is. It's definitely true the other way though.