The Secret to Fixing the Old Style Bombers

So after getting rocked our last softball game against the team that didn't technically have enough girls to have a real win but didn't have enough testicles either (slam!), I mentioned that I had the secret to turning our season around and winning some games. What is it that we did that last year but haven't done yet this year? What is it that we did that we were undefeated when we done did this donedone thing?

At-Bat Music, that's what. We were 1-0 with the at bat CD from last year. Last year my song was "Whorehoppin'" by the Eagles of Death Metal. It was perfect, they were my favorite current band at the time, had a new CD out, and the song had the approriate amount of hilarity and bad assery for me.


Jesse "the Devil" Hughes: Hall of Fame Bad Ass

So an at-bat song can be one of many things. It can strike fear into the opposing team, saying "holy shit this dude is fucked up". It can make the opposing team burst out laughing because it's such a ridiculous choice. It can be topical to the persons name or interests, for example Vince choosing "doctor doctor gimme the news I got a bad case of loving you" last year, or it can be the song that just plain fires YOU up to hit a ball as far as possible. One thing an at-bat song should not be is unoriginal. Choosing "This is Why I'm Hot" is about the most predictable choice on planet earth. It's so lame it's something ARod might do. Update: This is, in fact, ARod's entry music. You gotta hate the Yankees.

So I need the Havok Crue to help me in choosing an at-bat song. Here are some ideas in no particular order:
1. Celestial Crown by The Sword

Pros: While the video doesn't really do it justice, this song DEFINITELY fits the bad ass category. Everyone is gonna be like god damn the SOB means business. Also, they've been one of my absolute favorite current bands of the last 6 months so it's topical.
Cons: Shit is scary. It's dead serious, there's absolutely no humor in this song, and that might not totally be me.

2. I Wupped Batman's Ass by Wesley Willis

Pros: Not only does it talk about about kicking ass and beating up a super hero, it's also completely hilarious.
Cons: It kind of implies that I'm retarded or homeless or both.

3. No More I Love You's by Annie Lennox

Pros: Absolutely hilarious, especially given what I wear to softball games. You gotta laugh if I roll up to a song going "doobee doobee doop doop doop AHHAHH"
Cons: I might not be able to concentrate its so hilarious. Also, it's not even remotely bad ass at all.

4. Me So Horny by 2 Live Crew

Pros: Crass, inappropriate, incomprehensibly stupid, and original.
Cons: Crass, inappropriate, incomprehensibly stupid, and completely has nothing to do with softball

5. The Stroke by Billy Squier

Pros: Bad Ass oldie with the Billy Madison style to it. Also, you Stroke a baseball bat don't you? So it's kind of relevant.
Cons: Probably the least original choice so far. Also could be something AJ Pierzynski might choose and that's not a good thing.

So there you have it. Havok Crue, please provide suggestions, comments, feedback, anything!

Old Style Bombers Game 3

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO it was hot as satan's danglin' meatballs on the field today, with the temp almost getting up to 100 degrees. As a result it was a tad too hot to get drunk during this game because I was already hungover and seriously dehydrated. I think this destroyed our efforts today, the lack of beer consumption. Also, our expert pitcher of doomsday gyro balls was in New York City. This meant that I had to take over pitching doody's.

Aaaaaaaand I got rocked. We lost 27-1. Apparently it's possible to lose 27-1. I led the team in runs scored though so that's a plus!

The other team was just flat out good today and we were just bad. Really bad. We need to work on some defense. I will say this though: If you are winning 17-1, SWING THE FUCKING BAT. What kind of soulless, gutless pussy are you if you take a walk with that lead. I'm talking to you douchebag in the Cardinals hat. Figures douchy mcdoucherson is the one taking a walk. Wearing a stupid Cardinals hat. Thinking about stinky Pujols. Guhhhhh don't take walks when you are winning by 16.

Anyway, luckily we have discovered the secret to improvement of our team since the liver talent is obviously there. This answer will come in a new post.


Cardinals Fans: Douchy

Old Style Bombers Games 1 and 2

So similarly to the Cubbies update, I have decided to keep a running log of all of the softball games that we play with our team The Old Style Bombers®. Our team is pretty kick ass, none of us played competitive baseball or softball in high school, except maybe Vince, I can't remember. So we play every sunday. My natural position is center field, left center or right center. That's called versatility folks. I generally hit in the middle of the lineup, but I vow to improve this year. I want to lead our league in VORP or some other stat that only super nerds understand.



I would just like to say that if anyone heckles me in centerfield, that's just fine. I will find it hilarious. It will not bother me at all, in fact I might even feed off of it. And I'm not even getting paid to do this. So if you want to heckle me, I'm not a giant pussy, so that's ok.

So game 1 we kind of needed to get the rust out. The Old Style Bombers™ just needed to get the kinks out. In fact, I don't really even remember what happened in the first game, except that I did shitty at bat and we lost.

Game 2 is where the fun begins. We were a bit dishevelled in the game. Had some people barefoot, some in jeans, some in clubbing outfits, 1 in a dress; basically we looked like a fun baseball team should. Here were some quotes provided by our catcher, we'll call her Aron, that the other team said: "what is going on with this team, they're wearing jeans, they don't have shoes, they're drinking beer, but they're actually not that bad

they're really laidback we should come out to play like they do"

So we picked up the momentum a little bit and actually had a come from behind tie. Not too bad. Even my bat got a little hot.

MVP of the day: Aron and her .750 batting average while wearing a dress and flip flops. Truly this is a team Old Style Bombers¡ performance for the ages.

Record: 0-1-1