Theory: Alfonso Soriano needs a girlfriend.
Let's face it, Wrigley Field always has a lot of eye candy, male and female. Soriano is totally looking for a girlfriend. As soon as I find a girlfriend first I am TOTALLY going to set him up with one of her friends. Either that or I'm going to set him up with my roomate's sister. Either one is fine with me.
OK so on to my favorite part of Bleacher games, THE HECKLING. Yes, Kory Casto was playing left field for the Nationals/Expos or whatever they are. They're still the Expos to me, I still have no fucking idea what a National is, unlike the Expos. Anyway, Casto ALSO interacted with the crowd, which seems like a terrible idea. There's a patch of grass that's mis-colored and fans were yelling at him that it was a trap door. Dude goes and sticks his toe in it to taunt everyone. He also went 0-4 for the day and got replaced by LANGERHANS. I don't give a crap what his first name is, I was prepared to lay on the German insults. Other people went other directions...with the most inappropriate insult I've ever heard: "Langerhans, you couldn't hit your wife if you were drunk." Hoo boy, that's just unreal.
Langerhans had some sort of circular object in his back pants. After careful observation, we decided that it was- Bubbletape! Sauerkraut Bubbletape because he's a stupid German.
Other comments:
Two of my friends made their TV debut when the WGN cameramen zoomed in on them in between innings. I KNOW TV STARS!!!!!!!!
A family sat in front us. My friend and I won autographed baseballs and we gave them to the children. The dad bought us free beers. Score. The kids got bored and started asking me about the German I was yelling and I taught them how to say "Langerhans eats shit from the ass." It was about then that the Mom (middle aged female of course) put her kids on the other side of her and away from us. Typical. And after I told the kids not to take German because it was useless and to take Spanish (because Latinas are hot!) Such good advice.
Final Score: Cubs 5 - Nationals 3. Cubs win!
Cubs 2007 record when I'm in attendance: 1-2
Pitchers-
Cubs - Rich Hill
Nationals - John Patterson
Singer of Take Me Out to the Ballgame: George Will (who?)
9 comments:
yeah.... then to go on a website and brag about what a dick you were? Very cool. Something to be proud of. See you at burger king
haha. well done, sir.
HAHAHAHAHA you got serious talent!!!
I can verify the author is a) a douchebag and b) would NOT want a ball (which is what leads to A)
now that i am a tv star, let me inject my two cents about "the common people" like the author of this blog..
it's true. he heckles because he's so jealous of the players. sometimes i get burgers from this guy and there's angry rantings in ketchup all over my food.
this comment is 100% serious just like this entire blog is.
long live non-fiction.
I love it. Everyone is just raggin on this D bag.. now maybe he can feel like one of the players. Cus thats as close as he'll ever get. I think I saw him going to the bathroom to change his tampon in the 5th inning...
Even more hilarious, is that this Paul fellow is checking the blog of some total stranger at least daily. Cus that's as close as he'll ever get to a friend. Maybe he's really Paul Konerko and just pissed because his team is awful and so he takes it out on the fans
Hey Kenny baby, you told me you'd bring me home an extra Mexican Pizza tonight if I was naughty ;)
Where do I sign up for the career of heckling for a living?
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