Now I know what you're thinking based off that title. OH NO HE'S GONNA GET ALL PREACHY ON US! How the hell can Havok possibly convince me that murdering isn't bad? Well I'm not gonna talk about the actual commandments no matter how goddamn stupid some of them seem.* (God seriously includes oxes and asses as things not to covet. And while not coveting an ass seems like brilliant foreshadowing, because what girl doesn't want a little junk in the trunk these days, no one cares about oxes anymore. God is not hip, that should be changed at least to bell bottoms so that God can be as much with the times as the Catholic Church is. Run-on sentences are the best.) No today I'm going to talk about the movie, the Ten Commandments, starring Charlton Heston and the overall story leading up to the creation of the commandments. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049833/
OK, my problem is that Moses is a dumb ass. To fill those in that don't know the story, Moses is born a Jew, but his mom pulls a total inner city Detroit and leaves him in a river. Some sterile Egyptian bitch related to the Pharoah finds him and raises him and he competes with Ramses to be the next Pharaoh. Moses is the George Michael to Ramses Andrew Ridgeley and he's gonna be the next Pharaoh until he finds out he's a Hebrew.
OK Let's stop right here for a second. This is a pretty big revelation. You're Jewish. But you're gonna be the next Pharaoh. No one knows you're Jewish except you and your mother. What do you do next? Here are the options as I see them:
1. Don't tell anyone and just be Pharaoh.
Option 1 would be pretty kick ass. You get a tits life as Pharaoh. Lots of pyramids in your honor. A legacy for the rest of your life and thousands of years to come. But, if you have a heavy moral pulse, this would suck having "your people" be slaves to build your shit. So that's the downside. Oh, and you'll go to hell if you believe in that sort of thing.
2. Don't tell anyone and when you become Pharaoh, yell "GOTCHA BITCHES!" and free the Hebrew slaves.
Frees your conscience this way.
ANY OTHER DECISION IS STUPID. So what does this asshole do? Tells everyone he's Hebrew and nearly gets his ass killed. Lotta good that would have done jackass, now your people can't be freed. Guhhhhhhhhh Moses is an idiot.
OK, my problem is that Moses is a dumb ass. To fill those in that don't know the story, Moses is born a Jew, but his mom pulls a total inner city Detroit and leaves him in a river. Some sterile Egyptian bitch related to the Pharoah finds him and raises him and he competes with Ramses to be the next Pharaoh. Moses is the George Michael to Ramses Andrew Ridgeley and he's gonna be the next Pharaoh until he finds out he's a Hebrew.
OK Let's stop right here for a second. This is a pretty big revelation. You're Jewish. But you're gonna be the next Pharaoh. No one knows you're Jewish except you and your mother. What do you do next? Here are the options as I see them:
1. Don't tell anyone and just be Pharaoh.
Option 1 would be pretty kick ass. You get a tits life as Pharaoh. Lots of pyramids in your honor. A legacy for the rest of your life and thousands of years to come. But, if you have a heavy moral pulse, this would suck having "your people" be slaves to build your shit. So that's the downside. Oh, and you'll go to hell if you believe in that sort of thing.
2. Don't tell anyone and when you become Pharaoh, yell "GOTCHA BITCHES!" and free the Hebrew slaves.
Frees your conscience this way.
ANY OTHER DECISION IS STUPID. So what does this asshole do? Tells everyone he's Hebrew and nearly gets his ass killed. Lotta good that would have done jackass, now your people can't be freed. Guhhhhhhhhh Moses is an idiot.
Yeah this seems like a WAY better idea than just becoming Pharaoh and freeing everyone.
SIDE NOTES FROM THE TEN COMMANDMENTS:
Because I am a pervert, it took me 2 hours to realize that bondage = slavery and not S&M sex. That may seem like a long time, but this movie is 6 hours long, so it's not.
When God takes the form of the burning bush to talk to Moses, he speaks slowly and slurs his speech. I'm pretty sure this symbolized that God was drunk at the time.
After having 5 opportunities to free the slaves, and choosing the hardest way possible to go about freeing them, Moses leads everyone around in the desert for 40 years. Seriously. Dumb ass.
Because I am a pervert, it took me 2 hours to realize that bondage = slavery and not S&M sex. That may seem like a long time, but this movie is 6 hours long, so it's not.
When God takes the form of the burning bush to talk to Moses, he speaks slowly and slurs his speech. I'm pretty sure this symbolized that God was drunk at the time.
After having 5 opportunities to free the slaves, and choosing the hardest way possible to go about freeing them, Moses leads everyone around in the desert for 40 years. Seriously. Dumb ass.
*Note to self: Refrain from breaking commandments when establishing an opinion about them in the future.
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