Ogresmash: The Stinky Stinky

Warning: Do not read this post. It is disgusting and juvenile. I just need to get this off of my chest. (Editors Note: that is not a Cleveland Steamer joke) At least it has no gross pictures though.

I'm coming up on having worked for my company for 2 years now and there are still a few things I just don't get. First, I do not understand the work fart etiquette. Sometimes I get bad gas after eating Chipotle and I need to belt out a monster fart. I just know it's going to be loud too, the air pocket builds in my large intestine. What am I supposed to do here? Just let it out? That would be rude for others, but it's MY CUBICLE not theirs so what the hell is the big deal? What's the etiquette here? Your thoughts are appreciated in the comment section.

Second, today was about the 10^th or so time that I've gone into a stall in the bathroom and there's been a dookie and toilet paper still floatin' around in there. What. The. Fuck. Ok obviously everyone poops, except for girls. Oh, and that one guy's girlfriend that we nicknamed "The Dumptruck" in college. Sooooo, there's only 3 possibilites here.

1. Some dude forgot to flush 10 different times.
2. Sniper Shit.
3. Someone clogged the toilet. Someone clogged a fucking industrial toilet.

I will explore these one by one

First, the forgetful flusher. I don't know what to say about this one. This guy is just a forgetful asshole.

Second, the Lee Harvey Oswald shitter. There are some rules about sniper shitting. It's just not OK in the work setting. I mean, I'm at work, why make my day shitty (no pun intended)? Situations where the sniper shit is appropriate: College. Come on, living in a fraternity, you gotta sniper shit at least a couple times. Like, if your cook makes "cholesterol casserole" for dinner; it's sniper shit time! Don't want your hallway to endure the aftereffects of that! Hiroshima the 4^th floor! Or if someone on the third floor drinks all your Old Style; punish his toilet with an Old Style Sniper Shit! But never sniper shit in work damnit.

Third, the toilet is so full of it, it's gotta be named the Dick Cheney shit. How the fuck do you clog an industrial toilet? Going back to the fraternity house, we restocked all of our toilet paper. There was a kid who once used an entire roll of toilet paper for one shit. TWICE. I had to tape a sign to the door asking for the double flush. WHY CAN'T YOU DOUBLE FLUSH? It's REALLY simple! And why the hell do you need that much toilet paper?! Do you have a gatling gun buckshot anus? Lordy, lighten up on the paper and save a tree you asshole!