Cock Rock: KISS

KISS is a band that absolutely everyone knows, they're impossible to miss. What most people don't know is if they're actually good or not. I'm here to tell you: sort of. No matter what anyone tells you, absolutely everything they've done since taking their make-up off has sucked AND Peter Criss is probably one of the worst drummers of all time AND Gene Simmons is probably one of the biggest assholes of all time AND Kiss hates the Alcohol and drugs part of Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll.


Awesome



Sucks

But their early stuff is absolutely kick ass. Here's the thing, their best album is Destroyer. It's not Alive I, the one that made them famous. I'm sorry, but 12 minute songs with 6 minute drum solos from shitty drummers are not exactly awesome. Also, their best album cover is easily Love Gun.

I'd love to see the brain storming session before deciding on that title: "What should we name this one?" "Well what's something that really defines where we are artistically, spiritually, and mentally?" "Um, a Love Gun?" "Ship that fucker out"



The other kick ass thing about Kiss is the sheer number of products they have that you can buy. Currently you can buy Kiss lava lamps, Kiss incense holders, Kiss Aprons, Kiss Cocktail Tables, Kiss frisbees, and my absolute favorite, Kiss CYCLING SHORTS. Who the hell would want to cycle around with the Kiss logo on their ass? The bicycle enthusiast Kiss fan seems like a ridiculously esoteric market. But this is why I love them.


Lance Armstrong approves

Kiss is one of the few bands I have left that I need to see live before I die. Oh, and I'd probably gladly take any one of those Kiss items that I just made fun of.

Kiss best song: