Monday, June 4, 2007

The Top Twelve Porn/Sex Act Names that come from GI Joe Action Figures

WARNING: This post contains mature content. It is not intended for anyone under the age of 18 years and is not intended for anyone over the age of 15 in maturity.

Alright, so you kinda hafta be a huge pervert to enjoy this post because it gets really gross really fast and you have to be creatively pervertive. Also, I'm a huge GI Joe fan. Well not am, but was when I was a kid. I had a ton of GI Joes. My brother and I used to build castles and wage huge wars and shit, which may explain a few things. But, here it is from my dirty dirty dirty dirty mind. The top 12 Porn/Sex Act names that come from GI Joe Action figures.

12. Bazooka
OK so we'll start with a tame one. Bazooka would be a great name for a male porn star. Can't you just see Peter "Bazooka" North or Dustin "Bazooka" Diamond?



11. Slipstream
I really can't decide what this word means but it's definitely supremely gross. It's basically the same thing as naming a GI Joe figure "Errant Semen" or "Accidental Golden Shower"

10. Gung-Ho
Gung-Ho is definitely the name of an Asian prostitute, there's no doubt about it I'm pretty sure you can find this chicks name in the credits of Full Metal Jacket as "Me Sucky Long Time Girl" played by Gung-Ho. Who the hell knows how GI Joe pulled a marine name out of this shit.

9. Steam Roller
Back we go to Dustin "Steam Roller" Diamond.




8. Crazylegs
Honesty: If I were to ever enter a strip club and the first stripper that came up to me said her name was "Crazylegs" I would definitely buy a dance. Unlike the last time I was in a strip club where the girl said her name was January. We were there in January. My friends are pretty sure she just changes her name seasonally.

7. Cesspool
Initially I thought this would be a hilarious name to include in the list, but everything that runs through my mind is unfit for print. Let's just say you don't wanna meet a girl named Cesspool.



6. Snow Job
It's like the thing it rhymes with but in winter! And cold! And snowflakey!

5. Big Boa
I think this one is pretty self explanatory.

4. Fast Blast
Lieutenant Fast Blast says that Captain Pre-Ejaculation is not a good commander.

3. Deep Six
I fully promote a male pornstar with this name. This will finally stop giving women that watch porn unrealistic expectations. It's not Deep 10 honey and it ain't ever gonna be.



2. Backblast
Just...wow... I guess his nemesis is the guy that ruins his fun, "Houdini"?

1. Beachhead
This is so blatantly obvious they should name a cocktail after it.

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