In Defense of Clowns

These days, the "cool" fear that all the fear hipsters have is Coulrophobia. Coulrophobia is of course an abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns. Everytime you start talking about things people are afraid of it's all oh I don't mind spiders but MAN I HATE CLOWNS. Or I'm not scared of God or Satan or Nikki Sixx but HOLY SHIT IF A CLOWN CAME in this room I would totally shit my pants. Well, I'm calling you damn phobia hipsters out, you phobipsters. Clowns are not scary, get over it. They are comic performers, specifically there to make you laugh with their zany outfits, flowers that shoot water in your eye and big shoes.

Debunking the clown myth:

1. Myth - Clowns are scary because it is the fear of the mask, the fact that it doesn't change and is relentlessly comical.

Culprit:

R.I.P Heath Ledger

Truth: Fear has less to do with clowns per se and more to do with being unsettled by something as unusual-seeming as a clown. Prof Paul Salkovskis, clinical director of the Maudsley Hospital Centre for Anxiety Disorders and Trauma, says "People are typically frightened by things which are wrong in some way, wrong in a disturbingly unfamiliar way. It is almost certainly not a reaction to clowns, but we are sensitive to things which are extraordinary, particularly sensitive when we are young. My three-year-old was terrified by Peter Rabbit at a B&Q. Peter Rabbit is six inches high, not seven feet high." (Source) So there, it's not the clown, it's you hating things different from you. I can think of some people that might get pissed about this reaction.



2. Myth: Look at recent culture! Clowns are always killing people! Never are they happy and making children laugh!

Culprit:

Guhhhhhhh Stephen King

Truth: OK, this is like believing Terminator 2 happened and 5 billion people died on 1994. Do you believe every movie and TV show you see? And if you do, why don't you focus on the good ones like:


Or what about the WORLDS LARGEST CHAIN OF FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS using a clown as it's corporate mascot?


This guy has certainly sold a lot of hamburgers and kids don't find him all that scary. It has yet to be proven that fat kids have less fear than skinny and normal sized kids so don't even pull that crap counter argument either.

3. Myth: Clowns are solely here to hunt me down and chase me and kill me while laughing.

Culprit:


Truth: OK this is just getting ridiculous. No one should ever take Killer Klowns from Outer Space seriously. And come on!


Like anyone could catch you in these things. Let's face it, when it comes to clowns there's just nothing to be afraid of.

Bonus: Three more happy clowns to remind you that clowns aren't scary


Pa Havok's favorite clown


John Wayne as a clown


Vince Vaughn as a clown in Old School. There's NO WAY you found him scary, just NO WAY.