Cock Rock Restaurant Review: Kuma's Corner

Today's post brings you a plethora of new features and exciting new elements to your Zubaz and Cock Rock experience. This is the first ever Cock Rock Restaurant Review as well as a brand new concept to the blogging world known as tandem blogging that myself and fellow bloggers are inventing. Zubaz and Cock Rock: now in cutting edge form.

So first the review, before the mind blowing tandem concept. The restaurant visited is called Kuma's Corner. It's located at the corner of Belmont and Francisco in Chicago. Kuma's Corner is a Heavy Metal Burger Pub. The most righteous riffing of the heaviest of heavies has finally been brought to the most deliciously evil food on the planet at Kuma burger, and hot damn it was a bad ass combination worthy of devil horn popping insanity. Each burger is named after a particular Heavy Metal band, some known by everyone and some very obscure. Take a look at the delicious menu here: http://www.kumas-corner.com/food.html

Those of us that went enjoyed the YOB, the Led Zeppelin, and the Pantera. Each was met with a scream over a power chord and head banging glee.


For a much better review and where I stole this picture from, visit the amazingly cool Chicago Burger Project review here

In addition the beer list is amazingly loaded with fantastic Belgian and German beers as well as some amazing micro brews from America Fuck Yeah. The music blaring the entire time was nothing but the heaviest of heavies (ok and one or two still rock but not as heavy songs). I recognized Big Business, Queens of the Stone Age, and High on Fire as well as dozens of others.


I loves me some High On Fire

I had two criticisms of the place, one which was an egregious problem, and one that doesn't really matter. The egregious problem was the wait. There are barely any tables there and the wait ended up being 2 full hours long. In addition, a table of 5 got seated 20 minutes before us despite arriving after us. At first we didn't care, gave us some time to try some beer, but around the 90 minute mark my friend started dying of hunger and I was tired of waiting. This sucked. It's a good thing the food was so good.

The second criticism that didn't matter was that the majority of the burgers had nothing to do with the band, which really, who cares. Kuma's Corner was gnarly enough to score a 666 on my restaurant rating scale so do not miss it!

But this brings me to the brand new tandom blogging concept and the actual awesome part of this post. Now I will give my suggestions on how to make these burgers more like their respective band names and will give a few suggestions of my own. Soon, within the next week or so, the amazing and brilliantly talented bloggers Pete (also came to Kuma) at The Situation has Deteriorated and Cutley at Robot in Disguise will add their suggestions which are sure to be much better thought out and less obscure than the bands I choose. Tandem Blogging: welcome to the new concept.

The Metallica

The Metallica at Kuma had Buffalo Sauce, Bacon, and Bleu Cheese, delicious to be sure, but not even close to accurate. A more accurate Metallica burger would be something that is the most delicious and amazing thing you've ever tasted in your entire life for the first 4 bites. And you get so excited, you tell everyone else to get it. And then all of a sudden the rest of the burger severely changes its taste and tastes like douchey crap.

The YOB
The YOB at Kuma needs to take forever to eat and needs to be so boring while eating it that you fall asleep.

The Black Sabbath
Blackening the burger was an awesome idea but shouldn't it also have Bat-flavored tofu?

Havok Additions: Here are some additions to the menu, although not all are quite metal bands.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Would have actual Red Hot Chili Peppers on top and be one of the funkiest tastes ever until you run out of peppers and it becomes the blandest thing thing ever for the last few bites.

Boooooorrrrring

The Courtney Love
Smells like ass and looks like barf so much that it makes every other person hate their own burger as well.

The Nirvana
Comes with no top bun.

The Boris
Written in Japanese, you have no idea what you're getting, but it tastes very unique in a delicious but slightly concerning way.

The Sword
All the hipsters order The Sword, because hey! they like metal too!

The Tommy Lee
Gives you Hepatitis A

The Elvis Presley
Comes on a Krispy Kreme bun and contains bananas and peanut butter, then deep friend (Elvis last meal)

The Anal Cunt
OK... I'm actually not gonna touch this one... but yeah, that's a real band.

The Green Jelly
Comes with Green JELLO on top

The Megadeth
Whoever gets it will tell you it's better than the Metallica, but really, it's not and he's just angry inside

The Anthrax
Sponsored by Osama bin Laden

The House of Pain
Boiled Potato as a bun, corned beef burger with cabbage as a topping. Overall, way too bland, or "Just Right" if you're Irish, in case you didn't get the joke.

Still popular in Boston

The AC/DC
Only served when the restaurant does catering, and therefore only served at Big Balls.

The Rage Against the Machine
Made by the bloody hands of Zapata's children, Mumia go on be free! You want your burger medium rare? Fuck you I won't do what you tell me!

The Pearl Jam
Was actually more popular the the Nirvana burger, but once the Nirvana got taken off the menu everyone forgot that and declared the Nirvana the greatest burger of all time

The Queens of the Stone Age
Best consumed stoned

This picture was very easy to find

The Goblin Cock (Album Cover Image Not Safe For Work)
Bacon, Cheddar Cheese, ¼lb. Vienna Hot Dog, Tomatoes, Onion, Neon Green Relish, Sport Peppers, Pickles, Celery Salt Mustard
Wait...that's actually on the menu. Well, looks like Kuma does have a few right.

That's it for me, look for Pete's additions at The Situation has Deteriorated and Cutley's additions at Robot in Disguise soon!